Elementary School: Just the Beginning!
by Angel of the Axis
Summary: Hoo, boy! This is the first of a series I'm doing, and it's all about school. When Leah Harningson gets picked for one of the talent show judges, all hell breaks loose when people start to cheat, her friends accuse her of playing favorites and especially when her long lost brother comes to town! Will they be able to keep it together? Rated T for language and minor adult themes.


11-year old Leah Harningson stared at the paper in her hands.

It read:

SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ANNUAL TALENT SHOW!

_DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE?_

_THEN SIGN UP TO THE: SPESATS!_

_THE ENTRIES WE ALLOW ARE:_

SINGING

DANCING

SKITS

PLAYS

SEXUAL ACTIVITIES

AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

"_Sexual Activities_?" She read aloud. "What the heck is wrong with this school?"

"I don't know, Leah," Her bestest friend Kyle said, shaking his red, curly haired head. "You'd better put that in the trash, or Mr. Garrison will see you with it."

"Why doesn't _she _want me to have this? They're ALL perverts, so why don't they want me holding this harmless piece of paper?" She argued, waving it in Kyle's face.

Kyle quickly snatched it from my hand and put it in my desk. "I'll tell you later." He said.

I frowned, disappointed. "One of these days, Mr. Garrison will become _Mrs_. Garrison, I swear…"

As soon as those words left my mouth, Mr. Garrison came into the classroom, the bell ringing as he stepped in.

"Okay, cla-What? Where are all of the other little bastards?" Mr. Garrison said, muttering the last part to himself.

I glowered at him. _Language, you dummy-head transvestite!_

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the door.

"Oh, I'll get it!" Mr. Garrison snapped, walking over to the door.

I walked to my desk, flickering a glance at the door. My eyes widened and I almost burst out laughing at what Mr. Garrison was up against.

At the door, which was locked accidentally at the moment, was every kid in the school's parents, shouting, waving the talent show paper and banging on the door so hard that it might break at any moment.

"Let's get out of here," Kyle mouthed in my direction.

I nodded, giving him a thumbs-up.

Slowly and quietly, we crept out of our seats and over to a hidden wall panel, one that Kyle and I had used to get out of class many times before. Of course, we were never discovered until school ended, but that didn't matter then.

As Mr. Garrison was dealing with the mob of angry parents outside, we were slipping through a secret air duct that was ten times as big as us, or so I had the smartest kid in our class calculate one afternoon.

"Okay, over here." Kyle whispered to me, pointing to the right. I nodded, swerving over to the direction he went.

We went a little further, eventually stopping at an outside vent. Kyle opened it with a long _Creeeeakkk_, and we were home free.

"Wow…what do you suppose THAT commotion was about, Kyle?" I asked, concerned about the number of cars in the parking lot.

"I don't know, but by the way they were waving that paper, they were probably upset about how it says 'Sexual Activities'."

A sudden bang snapped us out of our conversation, yelping in surprise.

We looked toward a rather fancy-looking limousine in the lot, and we saw Token Black waving frantically at us.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, great. Token Black is in the house, folks."

Kyle snickered at my sarcastic remark, and I suddenly noticed Clyde in another window.

"Seriously, what is going on?" I asked, a little scared.

Then we noticed Cartman, then Stan, then Wendy, then Bebe, then Tweek, then Craig, followed by hundreds of others.

Suddenly, I had a great idea so big, it was if an imaginary HUMONGOUS lightbulb had gone off over my head.

"Well, Kyle, it looks like our friends are here. Wanna go back inside and tell Mr. Garrison that it seems our unfortunate schoolmates have decided to go AWOL?" I asked, pretending not to notice Cartman starting to yell, spouting curses like a waterfall as he honked the horn every time he cursed.

"Wait! Don't leave us here!" Token yelled, clawing at the window.

"Nope, I guess I will. C'mon, Kyle." I sniggered quietly at their reactions.

Kyle glanced in Stan's direction for a split second, following me into the air duct.

"Okay, Kyle. We've only got one shot at this, and here it goes, it 3…2…1…"

"Well! Mr. Garrison, it seems that our school chums have decided to break for the cars in the parking lot!" I said, loudly.

"_What_?!" Kyle replied in a 'Mr. Garrison' voice, having the same volume as I.

"Yeah. They're in the parking lot if ya wanna see them!"

We giggled silently inside the air duct, relishing in our classmates' screams of horror and dismay. I signaled Kyle, and together we said, (purposely leaving the air duct door open) "He's coming to get you!"

"NOO! I'm too young and sexy to die!" Clyde yelled while Token smacked him.

As we crawled out of the air vent, we gave each other a high five. "Owned," I said, laughing.

"Wha…what the fuck was THAT?" Clyde screamed, his face turning as red as a cherry.

Everyone, not including us, turned to stare at him. Normally, Clyde _never _cursed, but this was…kind of a shock.

"You all got PWNED!" I shrieked, tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard.

Suddenly, the front door opened.

Kyle and I shot up, laughter dieing quickly, as he watched a torn up Mr. Garrison storm out, yelling his stupid little transvestite head off, which was covered in hair spray.

"You stupid little bastards!" He yelled, pointing a finger at the cars. "How DARE you do this to me! I oughta have you bitches arrested and sent to JAIL! How would you like THAT for a change?!"

Anger bubbled through my veins as I glared at my teacher.

"…And especially YOU people who have parents who are fighting!"

"Hey, knock it off!" I screamed.

Mr. Garrison stopped mid-sentence, turning to stare at me, along with everyone else.

"Yeah, that's right! I told you to SHUT THE HELL UP." I glared my hardest glare at the male-female. "Will you stop calling us 'bastards' and 'bitches' and even 'motherfuckers'?! It really gets annoying after a while, ya know! Especially for those whose parent or parents is/are dead!" I pointed to Cartman, who had eyes glistening with tears. "And YOU transvestite, which by the way is ruining our lives, dare to call us all these offensive names?! I oughta chop yo' head off, fool!"

For once in his life, Mr. Garrison actually looked scared. But I didn't stop there.

"Has it even occurred to you that some of us actually have LIVES?!" I continued. "I oughta sue you for…hm, what's the word? Oh yeah. 'Teaching' us so much! Why, how would jail suit YOU? Ever been a jailbird before, Mr. Garrison? Well, save it for the slammer, bitch!"

Soon, the angry parent crowd stormed outside, with Kyle's mom as the ringleader.

"There he is! Get him and get revenge for ruining our poor children!" She shouted, thrusting a pitchfork into the air.

"Um…where the hell did your mom get that?" I asked, slowly turning toward Kyle.

"I…haven't got a clue…" He answered, mimicking my moves.

I shrugged. "Oh well, just as long as they don't hurt Mr. Garrison _too _badly."

A wail of pain rose from the bottom of the crowd, followed by a sickening crack, and I winced.

"Yep," I said, cringing back. "They hurt him too badly."

Suddenly, I flung both hands in the air. "People, stop!"

The air was filled with silence as the parents froze and stared at me, their eyes filled with question.

* * *

**A/N: ...Where da HELL did this come from?! I don't know.**

**R/R, please! It would really make my day.**


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